The Mirror Scene

Yesterday i watched Narnia the voyage of the Dawn Treader, again. i actually saw it in the cinema when it came out here in the Netherlands. There was this one scene that spoke to me back then. It’s what i refer to as ‘the Mirror Scene’ and it actually was the reason for me to see the movie once more (and i think this won't be the last time for me enjoying this movie xD). For those of you who haven’t read or watched the Narnia Chronicles, i would recommend to look up a summary on the internet. i haven’t seen all the movies, didn’t read all the books and am sure i would do an awful job trying to summarize the story. It isn’t necessary to know the Narnia story for what i’m about to write about this particular scene though..

In short, before this 'mirror scene' this girl named Lucy, found a magical Book of Incantations which was filled with spells. While looking for another spell, she found the ‘Beauty Spell’, which was explained: “An infallible spell to make you she, the beauty you’ve always wanted to be”. Lucy felt inferior to her sister Susan and whished to be just as beautiful as her.

While alone in her cabin (as she was on board of the ship, the Dawn Treader) she secretly recited the Beauty incantation she had ripped from the book:

“Transform my reflection,

Cast into perfection

Lashes, lips and complexion

Make me she,

Whom i’d agree

Hold more beauty over me”

This was were i get goosebumps. i don’t really know how to explain what really happens inside of me when i see this scene. But it gets to me somehow. And i believe there are more people (not just girls or women) out there who can identify with Lucy, wanting to be like someone else.

To me it’s a moment for reflection. Is there someone i think holds more beauty over me?

Surprise surprise, this scene speaks to me – in more ways than i could possibly explain in just a single blog post – because in fact i know i do agree on this. i remember myself even as a little kid of just 4 or 5 years of age wanting to be like someone else. Back then it was kind of a cute admiration. But with the years this admiration became less cute and more all-consuming.

Back to ‘the Mirror Scene’.

When Lucy recited the spell, she saw herself in a mirror’s reflection, being transformed into her more beautiful sister Susan. There was a vision in the mirror’s reflection were Lucy – looking like Susan – was at a garden party with both her brothers escorting her for a photograph. Her brothers knew nothing of Lucy or Narnia and called her Susan.

Fearful that Lucy or Narnia no longer existed, Lucy yelled: “Stop this!”. The mirror reflection changed back and Lucy was looking at herself again.

Then – and this is the most wonderful part of the scene, in my opinion that is – Aslan appears in the mirror. He cautions Lucy about doubting herself, saying:

“You wished yourself away, and with it much more.

Your brothers and sister wouldn't know Narnia without you, Lucy.

You discovered it first, remember?...

You doubt your value. Don't run from who you are.”

Well, discovering Narnia isn’t something i did. So that’s not much of a comforting thought hehe. But the wishing myself away part, the doubting my value and running from who i am.. i can relate to that. And although it didn’t hinder my brother and sister in knowing Narnia (it actually is the other way 'round: my brother is the one who gotten me to know Narnia) i am pretty convinced wishing ourselves away and changing who we are because we think someone else is better than us – it has more of an influence than we may ever know.

As i’m writing this i know i still haven’t fully embraced who i am. To be honest with you, i am far from accepting myself, just the way i am. But watching this movie and thinking about this ‘mirror scene’ has been a wake up call. It opened my eyes to continue my journey of discovering who i was, who i am and who i want to be. Not as in who i want to be like, in comparison to someone else. But in comparison to myself, as a way of getting to know myself better, embracing my gifts AND my flaws. So that when i grow up, i will be more and more just like me. 

Christmas

Just a couple more weeks, well more like a week and a half, and it’ll be Christmas.

Everywhere i look there’s Christmas. Adverts, Christmas cookies, Christmas decorations, the playlist on the radio is full of Christmas songs.. i find myself dreading it..

i love the lights, i love the cosy decorations, i love the smiles of people talking about their plans for Christmas break.. But inside i feel like an ice cold hand is creeping up on me and freezing my heart. i’m dreading Christmas. Why?

There’s more than one reason, i guess. Things usually are more complicated than a simple x -> y. But the most important reason is me being afraid to mess it up.

Christmas has become a holiday about getting-together, special dinners, grant parties, lots of people and lots of food. i’m beyond lucky my family isn’t throwing big dinners and it probably will be just the five of us (four actually, my brother will be spending Christmas with his roommates & friends). Still i feel lots of pressure. i am scared beyond words that i’ll mess it up.

Then again, when i think about it. What is Christmas really about?

Is it about making sure you won’t forget anyone while sending the Christmas cards? Is it about the trees and all the special decorations? Is it about the presents under the tree? Or the ball dresses?

Those extra’s are nice, don’t get me wrong. i love the lights, they make this cold winter season so much brighter J i love how people take time to send cards at this time of year. It’s a way of thinking about each other, letting people know that they’re special to you.

Maybe i’m not sending Christmas cards this year, but i do want people to know i’m thinking of them. Praying they will have a wonderful time, no matter their plans for Christmas break. Whether you are dreading all the festivities, looking forward to them, hardly being able to wait till you can finally dress up for one of those dinners of parties you’ll be attending this year. Whether you turn the radio off whenever there’s a Christmas song, or searching for your favorites on Youtube. Whether you are having plans with your friends or family or plan to stay home, hibernating – hiding in your bed, waiting for it all to be over and people turning back to normal..

No matter what your plans are, i am here thinking of you. Wishing you all the best. There’s no right or wrong way to celebrate Christmas. Just remember, at its core, Christmas is not about all those grant commercial things. You really can’t mess up Christmas, for it’s not about you. Christmas is about this little boy, who gave up Heaven to be one of us. It’s about Christ giving up His all, to become just like you and me. It’s about Him who was born to be our Savior. It’s about Christ who was born, because of His tremendous love for us. He came into this world because He thought we are to die for. It’s about Him showing His love to us, no matter what we have done, are doing right now, or will be doing. It’s about Him choosing to become human, in all brokenness, so one day, one glorious day, we will be whole.

He is the reason, not only for this season, but for my whole life!

Knowing that, i can rest. For i won’t mess it up this Christmas.

Wishing you all a blessed CHRISTmas this year.

May the Lord be with you, always.

Favourite activities (AKA hobbies)?

As for you to get to know me a bit better, i thought i'd start with a post about my favourite activities.
Seems like a very easy & low-key topic to you?
Maybe it is, but to be completely honest to me it's not that simple.
And it wouldn't surprise me if there's someone out there who also understand some of the complexity i experience when it comes to hobbies.

Whenever someone asks me about my favourite activities, i usually don't really know what to answer. i am not really sure what it is like to have a favourite activity anymore. Taking some time for myself, relax a bit and enjoy all this in the meantime isn't that simple for me. Why would i take things easy and put my feet up when i have a million things on my to-do-list that had to be done the day before yesterday..?
Back to the question about my hobbies: It's easier for me to look back in time, to when i was a kid. When playing and doing things you love were a 'normal' part of day-by-day life and i didn't think about it as much as i do know. What did i spend my time and energy on, back in the day?

Uhm.. writing. Most of my free time i spent writing. All kinds of things. Stories, diaries, notes for friends and family. And reading. Lots of reading. i've always been an uber-bookworm.
i also loved to play outside, all kinds of sports. There wasn't really a sport or outdoor game i didn't enjoy. i loved to sing too. i made up my own songs, with a non-existent language. Another thing i loved to do was make my own copy of parlour games. Whenever i played such a game at my friend's home and i wanted to be able to play it at home with my parents also, i just tried to make my very own duplicate of the game. For me there was no need to buy the 'real' game. my handmade versions were good enough and a lot cheaper lol :) i enjoyed crafting my versions of parlour games. i loved crafting in general, and i still do.

As time went by and i learned to play the piano. At first i taught myself to play. Later on i did have some lessons. When i was old enough i started baby-sitting. Something i still do from time to time. i adore kids. i always have and always will! They carry a special key that fits right into the lock on my heart. When i'm around them i am a different person. It's almost magical. i am so blessed the Lord gave me so much contact with families in our church.

There were lots of things i loved to do. And i still feel that warm feeling in my heart when i think of those activities. However things changed. i still do some of those activities and i try to do them on a regular basis. Since depression kicked in at age 7 the joy of my hobbies just seems to slowly fade away. i still play the piano, but my perfectionism makes it hard to enjoy it. i still try to write or read or do sports.. However my obsessive tendencies make it hard to do those activities in a healthy way, to enjoy it without it taking over my life.


i find myself learning about balance. Something that's been missing most of my life.
It's hard to set healthy boundaries, to set time away for my favourite activities, without feeling guilty about all the other things i still have to do and without putting all those perfectionism-pressure on myself.

i said i am learning. This blog is one of my attempts to schedule one of the things i like most (writing) into my daily life again. We'll see how it goes from here :)
As of today i don't have any clues about what i'll write about or how frequent i'll be posting. 
It'll be a journey of learning not to be too hard on myself. And my wish for you is that while i'll be walking my journey and sharing some of my thoughts here on this blog, you will find yourself learning to be gentle with yourself also.

You are worth it! ;) You really are!

Welcome

Hi there beautiful!

Welcome here on my little blog. It's a place where i want to share some of my thoughts with you. Thoughts about my life, the happy days and the sad. my highs and my lows.

Mostly the happy days with lots of highs though. For i want this to be a place of encouragement. A place of enjoying those little things in life, and sharing those special moments. 

Read, look, smile and enjoy.

Big, gentle hugs,

Allysson


oh wait, i haven't properly introduced myself yet:
i'm Allysson (aka Ally or Ellusz)
22 years young {edited September, 2015)
Applied Science of Psychology student

*not sure what to say more about me
if you want to get to know me,
follow me on this blog*
xD