i will Stand my Ground

Hi there,

i have been putting a playlist together with some songs to remind me to put my trust in the Lord, fix my eyes on Jesus and to -no matter what happens- never ever give up fighting..

Today i like to share one of those songs i recently added to the playlist. It's "Stand my Ground" by Within Temptation. i would like to share the lyrics and jot down some thoughts about what it means to me and how i like to interpret it.

Within Temptation - Stand my Ground

i can see when you stay low nothing happens. Does it feel right?

Late at night, things i thought i put behind me, haunt my mind
i just know there's no escape now once it sets its eyes on you

but i won't run, have to stare it in the eye..

Lately i have had a lot on my mind, things that scare me. And i really really wish i could just walk away from it. But i know i can't. Some things are memories i've tried to forget for years. Others are thoughts, feelings, that i can not exactly explain. The feelings & thoughts are too vivid & all-consuming to just rationalize them away. But since there's no simple explanation for those thoughts and feelings i'd rather just hide myself and bury those thoughts with me. i have done that before. And it helps for some time, but eventually it catches up with me again. So i decided to stop running and start facing 'it'. i am starting to speak up about it and share my thoughts and feelings with someone. It isn't easy, but i know i will.. {back to the song}

Chorus:

Stand my ground, i won't give in

no more denying, i've got to face it

won't close my eyes and hide the truth inside

If i don't make it, someone else will stand my ground

i will stay strong. i know i don't feel like i will be able to stand my ground and those feelings are like way too overwhelming to be able to just let them be and fight my way through it. But i will keep reminding myself that if i don't make it, Someone Else will stand my ground. The Lord will be the one fighting for me, when i can't do it myself. And that's what helps me to not run away again.

It's all around getting stronger, coming closer into my world

i can feel that it's time for me to face it. Can i take it?

i feel like i can not take it. i don't feel much stronger than before when i chose to hide myself away instead of facing my fears. But i also know it's not only about what i can take & what i can face. It's about what the Lord wants me to do. i don't think it's a coincidence those feelings and thougths have become so strong again. i don't believe in coincidences. So i will have to take it as it is and ask the Lord 'what do You want me to do now?'. 

Though this might just be the ending of the life i held so dear,

but i won't run, there's no turning back from here.

i have been running for so long, it will be hard to stop running and let myself be seen & heard. It will be hard to start speeking up and sharing what's on my mind, in stead of just burying it underneath my skin. Yes, it will be hard. But it will also be worth it. So i won't run anymore. i just won't.

(Chorus)

All i know for sure is i'm trying

i will always stand my ground

i don't know how things will turn out. i have no idea if i'll be able to quit running and to start facing those thoughts and feelings. But i don know i will be TRYING. That is all i can do and that is what i will be doing. It comforts me to know that the Lord will be there with me. When i can't go on anymore, He will be the One standing my ground.

(Chorus 2x)

Maybe it sounds strong when i write about not giving up and facing my fears, my thoughts and my feelings. To be honest, i don't feel so strong. i do know this song helps me to get some of my fight back though. For it tells me that giving up and running away won't ever be able to change things. And that in order to grow stronger, i will need to face the obstacles i am experiencing now.

i find hope and comfort in knowing that i won't ever have to face those obstacles on my own.

"When i don't make it, Someone Else will stand my ground"

Blessings

So, it's been a while.
Christmas break is over now. And everything is getting back to normal, right?
That's kinda what i was waiting on before writing a blog post again. i didn't want to do a Happy Holidays blog post. Since i have been struggling a lot these last couple of weeks and just couldn't get myself to pretend i had some Holiday Spirit.

Though i had my struggles, i still hope you all had a Merry Christmas, a wonderful New Year's Eve and i wish you many Blessings for 2015.


2015.. a brand new year.
i don't want to pretend i love New Year's Eve. i don't want to pretend i believe there's something special about all the fuss revolving around NYE. Like the 4 changing into a 5 will magically erase all the bad and the world will be all brighter and happier now. The collective reflecting on the past year always scares me. i always am reflecting about things, it's in my blood, i'm just a very analytical person. When everywhere around me, i hear people reflecting - i feel pressured. i feel pressured into sharing my thought patterns, i feel pressured into pretending to be more cheerful than i really am.
To be real honest with ya, i kinda am a bit skeptical about all the New Year resolutions (you wouldn't have guessed that, now, would you? :p). i mean, why do you need to wait 'til January 1st to set a goal and start over? There's a chance to choose what's right, everyday. We can all start over, every day, every hour, every sec..

This year i have been less skeptic than before though. There's been a lot going on the last couple of months and there have been some changes - both good and bad, but i try to focus on the good ones more;)
It's true we can decide to do things differently every moment of any day. Still, i see the good in people sharing about their resolutions, setting goals together and refreshing their priorities. i still am glad it's over now and life can get back to normal.. But yeah, i am happy for the ones who enjoy the Holidays. i've got some good news for them: It's an annual celebration. In less than 50 weeks, there'll be Holiday Spirit everywhere. And oh, i heard Harrods has a Christmas department open all year.. ;-)

For the coming year i hope to write lots of blog posts and to challenge myself everyday. Trying to work through my fears one by one. Starting today with my swimming challenge.. Check:)

Last year's lesson is beautifully stated in the following quote from Kathy Loun Stilley:

"Some people are determined to pull you into their storm. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is hand them an umbrella, and let them ride it out alone."

So, that was 2014's lesson.. i wonder what class i'll be taking this year.

i'd love to hear about your lesson from last year. Don't feel pressured though. If you'd like to share, please leave a comment.

Yesterday's sunset.. Isn't it stunning and bright?