Seems like a very easy & low-key topic to you?
Maybe it is, but to be completely honest to me it's not that simple.
And it wouldn't surprise me if there's someone out there who also understand some of the complexity i experience when it comes to hobbies.
Whenever someone asks me about my favourite activities, i usually don't really know what to answer. i am not really sure what it is like to have a favourite activity anymore. Taking some time for myself, relax a bit and enjoy all this in the meantime isn't that simple for me. Why would i take things easy and put my feet up when i have a million things on my to-do-list that had to be done the day before yesterday..?
Back to the question about my hobbies: It's easier for me to look back in time, to when i was a kid. When playing and doing things you love were a 'normal' part of day-by-day life and i didn't think about it as much as i do know. What did i spend my time and energy on, back in the day?
Uhm.. writing. Most of my free time i spent writing. All kinds of things. Stories, diaries, notes for friends and family. And reading. Lots of reading. i've always been an uber-bookworm.
i also loved to play outside, all kinds of sports. There wasn't really a sport or outdoor game i didn't enjoy. i loved to sing too. i made up my own songs, with a non-existent language. Another thing i loved to do was make my own copy of parlour games. Whenever i played such a game at my friend's home and i wanted to be able to play it at home with my parents also, i just tried to make my very own duplicate of the game. For me there was no need to buy the 'real' game. my handmade versions were good enough and a lot cheaper lol :) i enjoyed crafting my versions of parlour games. i loved crafting in general, and i still do.
As time went by and i learned to play the piano. At first i taught myself to play. Later on i did have some lessons. When i was old enough i started baby-sitting. Something i still do from time to time. i adore kids. i always have and always will! They carry a special key that fits right into the lock on my heart. When i'm around them i am a different person. It's almost magical. i am so blessed the Lord gave me so much contact with families in our church.
There were lots of things i loved to do. And i still feel that warm feeling in my heart when i think of those activities. However things changed. i still do some of those activities and i try to do them on a regular basis. Since depression kicked in at age 7 the joy of my hobbies just seems to slowly fade away. i still play the piano, but my perfectionism makes it hard to enjoy it. i still try to write or read or do sports.. However my obsessive tendencies make it hard to do those activities in a healthy way, to enjoy it without it taking over my life.
i find myself learning about balance. Something that's been missing most of my life.
It's hard to set healthy boundaries, to set time away for my favourite activities, without feeling guilty about all the other things i still have to do and without putting all those perfectionism-pressure on myself.
i said i am learning. This blog is one of my attempts to schedule one of the things i like most (writing) into my daily life again. We'll see how it goes from here :)
As of today i don't have any clues about what i'll write about or how frequent i'll be posting.
It'll be a journey of learning not to be too hard on myself. And my wish for you is that while i'll be walking my journey and sharing some of my thoughts here on this blog, you will find yourself learning to be gentle with yourself also.
You are worth it! ;) You really are!
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